Why Did The Brand Start?

[TW: mental health, mental illness, suicide] 

In my mid 20’s I was dating a girl called Elle.

Elle had it going on!

She was young, well-travelled, a vocabulary unlike anyone else's, had the most incredible family, great groups of friends, just finished her degree, and was just about to start her career. However, in a matter of months, Elle went from being the loudest person in the room, to at times not having the motivation to get out of bed or get dressed for the day. Elle was sick and overcome with mental illness. She couldn’t live with the pain any longer. Despite her best and bravest efforts, in 2014 at 25, Elle died from suicide.

A few weeks after Elle’s death, I was sitting in my room getting ready for work and I was looking at a pair of runners she had left in my closet. I started to cry, this wasn’t unusual. A lot of my time in the car, falling asleep, waking up was spent crying.

But this time, I made a decision: I was done with the sadness. I didn’t want to have that sick to my stomach feeling anymore. So, I stopped. It was almost as easy as that. Elle was never forgotten. But I convinced myself I was done grieving—unknowingly and prematurely. I decided I was done with therapy after a handful of sessions. I thought I was going to be fine, and I told myself just get on with it.

What I didn’t realise at the time, that suppressing that sadness, would mean it would come out in very different and very unexpected ways.

Over the years, naturally, I moved on with my life. I moved overseas, had new partners. But most importantly I took myself back to therapy. Originally this was to talk about some relationship issues, but this was also a chance to properly grieve Elle’s death.

Bottling my sadness caused it to surface in different ways—mainly as anger. I was particularly short tempered at work and with partners. My therapist, along with my own research and self development, was able to unpick this constant bubbling of anger and appreciate that being angry is OK, being sad is OK, it’s how we react to those emotions which is important. No longer did I see emotions as good or bad, I saw them as normal and treated them all with equal importance. It was this realisation that helped the sadness come back in, the anger be acknowledged and regulated and of course, the happiness and joy continue. 

I discovered that paying attention to my emotions and speaking about them was a sustainable and enjoyable way to live. My relationships with people around me improved, and so did my relationship with myself.

But in 2021, I got a call saying that a mates dad, Matt, had died from suicide. This took me right back to the shock and confusion I felt when Elle died. However, what was now more confusing was that Elle was young, female and about to start her career and Matt was older, male and was finishing his career. On paper, these two people couldn’t be more different. So how did they both die the same way?

It was at this moment I knew I had to do something. Something to avoid more people suffering like Elle and Matt. And something based on what I'd learned regarding speaking about feelings before they become overwhelming.

That's where I landed on It's Cool To Cry, a social enterprise that's making mental health cool.

Through merch, workshops and events I want to make mental health more approachable. If it's more approachable, we will talk about it more. If we talk about it more we will get comfortable with it. If we're comfortable with it, we get cool with it. Then, we can make mental health cool.

This is for Elle, and those we have lost to suicide. Thank you for being you. You are loved and missed.

Mental health doesn’t discriminate, it can affect anyone. If you are reading this, this is also for you.